I Just Got "Chicked" ... Really???

Captain Caveman ... Real Dude!

Can't I just have one thing?  As a guy, can't there be something in my life that gals don't take total control over?  Can't I just "be a dude", and that be okay?

Recently, I've seen a disturbing trend in marathon race reports.  It's something known on the street as "Getting Chicked!"  It was last detailed in EMZ's & Racing Dawn's account of the Rock-n-Roll Phoenix Marathon, and I think originated in the Last Mile Lounge ... hmmm?  Apparently, in this world-wide phenomenon, female endurance athletes are encouraged to pass, ney ... HUMILIATE male athletes during the course of a race.  And there seems to be some additional "magical-estrogen-point" value given to competitors who can accomplish this "amazing feat" in the final stages of an event.

Really?  Like I don't have enough female dominance in my life?  If I put off mowing the grass for one day, my beautiful wife brings the old, "So, ummm ... is that yard gonna cut itself?"  When my daughter was a little girl, I had to play house, school, or have a tea party, often wearing ... well let's just say "not my shade of pink".  And God-forbid I should ever NOT wanna watch "Glee", "Desperate Housewives", or "What Wedding Dress Not To Wear Fashion Police" or whatever ... oh no, that's simply unheard of!  I mean seriously, apparently you gals needed a rib ... so you just freaking took one of  mine!   I think I speak for all guys when I say we have been "GETTING CHICKED!" forever!

Can't I at least go out for a simple jog with thousands of my bro's without dozens hundreds of the fairer sex flying by me?  Little running skirts mocking me as they flutter by!  Undoubtedly most fella's have been the victim of this marathon road rage at some point.  Cruising along ... minding your own business ... and here comes little miss happy pants!  Her pony-tail sarcastically waving as she passes as if to say, "And when you're finished here, take out the garbage!"  You just got "CHICKED!"

I mean, if you're athletically superior .. fine!  I can rest at night with that, I guess.  But now there's a phrase to emphasize and celebrate this "sisterhood of the ya-ya traveling running sneakers headband" accomplishment? Well, that's just one too many shots below the belt madam!

So, today I am appealing to all Manly Runners Everywhere!  Brothers, we must take any and all drastic means available to end this epidemic.

If you detect a Fervent-Fraulein growing larger in your review mirror ... lock arms with the warrior next to you gents.  We shall form a testosterone picket fence across the roadway to keep this ambitious lady at bay!

Or, drop current sale flyers from New York & Co, Victoria's Secret, or Ann Taylor in their path.  Offensive ... probably!  But maybe, just maybe, the three-day sale on purses and push-up bras will distract them long enough for us to pull ahead.  Or possibly they'll just "accidentally" trip over the discounts!

Old-time dudes getting "Chicked!!!"

It might get ugly ... but this is for our pride gentlemen!  I mean if we don't reel them in now, what's next, a female racecar driver?  And where does it end ... women voting? Is nothing sacred?  Join me in this battle comrades before it's too late.  This has gone far enough.  Let us take back the sacred sport that the Greeks handed down to us MEN!  Everytime you get "CHICKED!", Phidippides rolls over in his manly Athens grave.
(You go girl! ... just don't try to go by me!) Oh, and ...
Be Great Today!