Look how happy I am.
I sell construction chemicals for a living. I spend my life in commercial construction distribution warehouses, or on job sites looking at projects with mud up to my knees. I try to be manly ... heck, today I peeled an orange with my bare hands. And with the exception of occasionally speaking to a group of architects, I just don't wear ties. I hate them. They choke the testosterone out of me. They're non-productive. They're out-dated. If I wore a tie to a job site, it would get caught in an auger or something and pull my head right in and chop it off! And I don't want my head chopped off. Not like that.
Plus, I seem to buy cheap ties that are a little shorter than nice ties, and you can't tie a Double Windsor knot in a short tie because the short piece doesn't hang down long enough in the back and throws off the symmetry, so you have to tie a Half Windsor which is always lopsided, and it infers that you're not sophisticated enough to tie a proper knot ... but I know how to tie a real tie-knot office boy ... I'm just too cheap to buy a longer tie ... but I digress.
Maybe some of you like ties. My wife does. She called me a "Hottie" when I sent her this picture my friend took. That's what I love about that woman ... even though she's obviously completely lost the ability to determine "hot or not" ... she still tries to make me feel good. Especially when I'm driving down the road wearing a nerdy, life-sucking, soulless, prissy, tie! Disclaimer ... Yes, I obviously realize many of you wear ties everyday and maybe even enjoy them. Many of my good friends wear ties to work and enjoy them. I obviously understand that it doesn't make you nerdy, prissy, or soulless. And I'm probably just not fully evolved, but they're really not for me friend.
To top it off, we had a late dinner on Wednesday and I didn't get to bed until 12:30AM!!! So I had a tie on from like 6AM until then. 18 HOURS!!! I'm pretty sure it took a few years off of my life. It was so energy depleting that I didn't even get my run in the next day ... it just took too much out of me. But as I sit here writing this on Friday, please know that I made it through and I'm okay ... you can relax, I made it out alive. But I'm already dreading the next time I have to throw one of those silky-nooses around my neck. Ties suck.
... be great today!
So glad I have a job that I am practically wearing pajamas at work (scrubs) heels and having to do my hair every day would suck the life out of me! Glad you survived your long day in a silk noose!
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ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how I feel about high heels and Spanx. I don't care if they are expected and accepted.... high heels are torture devices invented to subvert women and Spanx were invented by Satan. That is all.
ReplyDeleteNice tie Sally.
ReplyDeleteHad to wear one every day for many, many years in my consulting days. Haven't worn one in several, glorious years. Not a fan at all.
I hate wearing ties too. Luckily, I don't have to wear them often either. Glad you survived :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry about your tie-wearing day. It could be worse though. Imagine if you had to do it everyday?
ReplyDeletePlease somebody buy this man a longer tie!!
ReplyDeleteIs that why my husband's tie is always too short, it's cheap? Being a dairy nutritionist, he's in and out of barns and in cow sh**. The only time he wears a tie is to weddings. Maybe I'll splurge and buy him an expensive tie :)
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ReplyDeleteAaagh, I'm sorry about the tie. I couldn't stand wearing those ugly steel toed safety shoes - glad my days of doing engineering surveys for waste water treatment plants are over!
ReplyDeleteDude, buy a real tie.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you're so upset by wearing a tie. You should try wearing a bra with a loose underwire sometime. Or maybe a girdle. Now they're a real fun garment to wear - breathing is optional.
ReplyDeleteI have to wear them every so often myself. Don't like them either!
ReplyDeleteIf women can wear panty-hose and heels to work every day, surely you can wear a tie occasionally. Want some cheese with that whine?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous April 12 - "If women can wear panty-hose and heels to work every day, surely you can wear a tie occasionally".
ReplyDeleteThe point is that no-one forces a woman to wear pantyhose and heels. Men are often forced, against their will, to wear ties!