Friday, March 29, 2013
Look how happy I am.
I sell construction chemicals for a living. I spend my life in commercial construction distribution warehouses, or on job sites looking at projects with mud up to my knees. I try to be manly ... heck, today I peeled an orange with my bare hands. And with the exception of occasionally speaking to a group of architects, I just don't wear ties. I hate them. They choke the testosterone out of me. They're non-productive. They're out-dated. If I wore a tie to a job site, it would get caught in an auger or something and pull my head right in and chop it off! And I don't want my head chopped off. Not like that.
Plus, I seem to buy cheap ties that are a little shorter than nice ties, and you can't tie a Double Windsor knot in a short tie because the short piece doesn't hang down long enough in the back and throws off the symmetry, so you have to tie a Half Windsor which is always lopsided, and it infers that you're not sophisticated enough to tie a proper knot ... but I know how to tie a real tie-knot office boy ... I'm just too cheap to buy a longer tie ... but I digress.
Maybe some of you like ties. My wife does. She called me a "Hottie" when I sent her this picture my friend took. That's what I love about that woman ... even though she's obviously completely lost the ability to determine "hot or not" ... she still tries to make me feel good. Especially when I'm driving down the road wearing a nerdy, life-sucking, soulless, prissy, tie! Disclaimer ... Yes, I obviously realize many of you wear ties everyday and maybe even enjoy them. Many of my good friends wear ties to work and enjoy them. I obviously understand that it doesn't make you nerdy, prissy, or soulless. And I'm probably just not fully evolved, but they're really not for me friend.
To top it off, we had a late dinner on Wednesday and I didn't get to bed until 12:30AM!!! So I had a tie on from like 6AM until then. 18 HOURS!!! I'm pretty sure it took a few years off of my life. It was so energy depleting that I didn't even get my run in the next day ... it just took too much out of me. But as I sit here writing this on Friday, please know that I made it through and I'm okay ... you can relax, I made it out alive. But I'm already dreading the next time I have to throw one of those silky-nooses around my neck. Ties suck.
... be great today!