I'm not really a "phobia" guy, but two things terrify me...
1. Pictures or videos of large ships sinking!
2. Getting attacked by a mountain lion on a run!
Now, I have no idea about the ship thing - I've never even been on a large boat. But when I see a ship going down in the water, my metal plate starts to echo and I wanna crawl into the fetal position! I dunno???
But the mountain lion thing is real man! Lately there have been more and more mountain lion sightings and shootings in my area. Last week one was killed about 10 miles from my house. AND I LIVE NOWHERE NEAR THE MOUNTAINS!!! Listen cats ... I don't hike into your rocky-domain and scare the beans out of you when you're working out - would you kindly stay out' my hood ... PLEASE!
If all mountains lions were like ol' Snagglepuss, no problem - right! I mean come on, he prances around in cufflinks, a Colonel Sanders Western Tie, and a tall, fake, semi-formal white collar. Not really outdoor gear dude. He's also been seen in top hats with a cane ... very classy Snag's. I don't mean to sound cocky - but "Heaven's to Murgatroid", I don't really see him as a threat. I'm sure I could outwit him, or at least out-dance him! His only descent move is the robot.
But actual mountain lions - that's the real deal fella! For starters - they are sneaky - well, cowardly if you like. They won't face you like a man - they'll usually jump you from behind. Also, THEY ARE PISSED! It's obvious they've been the joke of the animal kingdom for quite some time because of their disproportionately small head. I mean, big-strong body ... little tiny kitty-kat face. I don't wanna be too judgemental, but with that size of cranium, they can't be packin' too much of the grey matter. And all that teasing from normal headed animals like grizzlies, mooses, and penguins have them in a very bad mood.
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| Western States Pin-Head ... just look at that tiny melon! |
But if I can be serious for a moment - if you do see a mountain lion while running, just try to reason with him. I mean this poor little fellow has obviously stopped taking his medication and wandered away from home. Just speak to him like an adult, offer him a Skittle or your arm, and calmly lead him back to Colorado. You'll both be in stitches, laughing about the crazy mix-up in no time! (Well, one of you will be in stitches and the other laughing!)
Run faster ... Be great today!
Luckily where I live I don't have to think about mtn. lions. However, we do go out west every year or so and I love to run on trails and I think about mtn. lions the whole time!
ReplyDeleteThat is a great post! Please don't send back to Colorado because I really don't want to deal with them either! I have my hands full right now with all the deer, foxes, rabbits and the threat of an occasional bear!
ReplyDeleteI would FREAK if I ever saw or heard one that wasn't behind bars!
ReplyDeleteHoney, you are so funny! But no worries, you don't have enough meat on your bones to garner any interest for those Mountain Lions :)
ReplyDeleteHahhaha Daddy. You're so goofy!
ReplyDeleteAnd Michael's right. You're just musclely. Lol.
So glad to be on the east coast and not have to think about big cats very often. We get reports of sightings in the mountains every once in a while but so far Bear and coyote and wild pigs are my only concern...well that and hitting the wall 15 miles from home.
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