Friday, February 4, 2011

Dear Austin ... You Talkin' To Me?

Austin Marathon ... me ... 'nuf said!!!
February 4, 2011

Dear Austin Marathon,

Greetings!  Let me start by saying that I am very excited to meet you.  I've only been to Texas a few times, but I've always enjoyed the TV show "Austin City Limits".  I understand that you're also the capital city of the great State of Texas ... how nice.  Okay, enough small talk!

Listen mini-Amarillo, you've made no secret about your disrespectful plans for me in two weeks.  Like some sort of Lone-Star gauntlet, you lie in wait with the notion that YOU'LL be the one to break me.  You've manicured your child-like speed bumps you call hills.  You've contacted the sun and reserved a little southwestern heat-lamp. Playa please ... you've even shipped a wintry heap of snow to my beloved Midwest to force my training to a treadmill for the last month.  You're doing your Yellow-Rosed best to psych me out!  That all you got???

Did you think because I'm 42, and only started running competitively 2 years ago, you could thwart my journey to completing a marathon in all 50 States?  Or because my training times have been inconsistent and slower than usual, I can't rock you like a Texas twister?  Is crossing the Red River supposed to freak me out? Maybe it's because Texas is a prototypical "Manly State" and I've looked less than "manly" in my running tights this winter?  Yeah, well ... okay, I'll give you that one?

But check it out OPEC wanna be ...  Maybe you didn't see me crush Little Rock after puking with the stomach flu the whole week prior.  Shoot, before I ran it, they called it Big Rock!!!  Or did you NOT get the race photos from Mississippi's 16 degree pathetic attempt to freeze me out! And I guess Kentucky didn't drop a dime to let you know that a little rain, and an out & back at mile 23 was just a stroll in the blue grass?  And don't even get me started on the altitude in Utah!  It was nothing kind sir ... NOTHING!!!

I'm a proud Missouri Son baby!  That means I was raised up in the "Show Me" State.  And brotha, you're gonna have to show me a lot more than over-rated sports teams, line-dancin', and old Waylon & Willie albums to cramp my style.  You talkin' 'bout LONGHORNS ... I be 'bout LONG RUNS!  The "Eyes of Texas are upon me???" ... buster, the feet of the Ozarks will be stompin' all over you!  I intend to blaze through your streets, devour your orange slices, guzzle your Gatorade ... and I won't stop 'til I take one of your precious medals back to the Boot-Heel and place it on Harry Truman's door-step!

So, tell Walker, Nolan Ryan, and the Bush Twins ... I'm comin'!  And faster than you can say "Who shot J.R.?" I will check you off the list ... you're #9!  "Don't Mess With Texas"?  Well I'm on a mission ... don't mess with 50 after 40!  Seacrest OUT!
(Disclaimer ... the preceding message was in no way intended to disrespect or discredit the fine people of Austin, TX or the great Lone Star State.  Just it's 26.2 ... which I'm gonna bust up!!!)
...be great today!

13 comments:

  1. Love it. Go show Texas what it's all about.

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  2. hahaha, way to tell austin how it is! You are going to ROCK it!

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  3. awesome! Austin is very afraid right now! You'll do great! well at least running indoors is preparing you for some warmer temps

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  4. Are you willing to make a finish time prediction yet? I'll be shooting for a sub 3:30.

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  5. 2 Slow ... I'll let you know at mile 25!ha

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  6. That is just a great post! I loved it!

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  7. You gonna crush Austin with that attitude!

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  8. aaahaha you're so freaking funny! Must take after your younger sister!!! KILL TEXAS

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  9. You've got this! Can't wait for the details!

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  10. When I get to Texas, I will talk to it the same way!!! Bring it on!

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  11. Hahahahahahaha!! This post is awesome, love it!

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  12. playa please... lasso that baby up and it's 'on to the next one'...

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