Signs Of Life

Papa J and sweet Savannah at my son's wedding this weekend

Successful training for a race has always been about my ability to focus.  Well okay, there's also quite a bit of physical ability and development that goes into it as well.  But if my mind isn't right, I'm literally half the runner I can be.  If I'm not completely locked into the pace, the speed, the endurance, the recovery, etc ... I'm simply spinning my wheels.

Most of you are aware by now that my wife recently lost both of her parents within the short span of 18 days.  And while as each day passes, she is beginning to heal, there is still a mountain of grief she is processing.  It's simply going to take a lot of time.

The toughest thing for me through the entire ordeal has been feeling helpless while the woman I love is in tremendous pain.  I want to somehow lift this heaviness from her, but I can't.  And it's affected everything in our lives.

As with many of us, running has always been somewhat therapeutic for me.  It provides a temporary break from reality, and usually helps me clear my head.  When we first began to deal with the failing health of my wife's parents, I was at the peak of my marathon training.  I think for a long time I thought I could just "power through" the training, in spite of all the mounting distractions around us.  And I maintained my schedule fairly regularly until their health became increasingly worse, Michael's emotions began to roller-coaster, and unfortunately death seemed eminent.  And when they passed, I obviously knew that training and racing for the rest of the year would definitely take a back seat.  And I'm 100% okay with that.  Running and racing is just a hobby.  It's gardening, record collecting, or tinkering with an old car ... just a hobby.  Nothing more.

Really good picture I got of Ryder at his mom & dad's wedding rehearsal,
the lighting was perfect and he looks like a little man!

But while running is only a "hobby", it's probably important for both of us to try to get back to a somewhat regular schedule.  Not that we are trying to force the events of this Fall out of our minds ... of course not ... but probably the sooner we can begin doing some of the things we enjoy, the better.  So with that in mind, I think what I'm going to do is cancel my Wichita Prairie Fire Half-Marathon, and change from the full to half at the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon.  Indy's still about six weeks away and I might be able to put together a solid race by then.

So this morning, I began an attempt to focus on a race again.  I ran a fairly solid 10 mile Tempo Run with 7 miles at a 6:30/pace.  It didn't feel great, but it was nice to get the legs turning over again.  And it was a positive step in the right direction.

Michael loved her parents deeply, and the sudden loss of both of them will weigh on her for a while.  But she has my unwavering love and support, and she'll get through this because she's an incredibly strong and amazing person.  And I'm sure before too long, she'll be running a race in their honor.  And maybe slowly but surely, I'll regain the focus necessary to run well also.  Today was a good beginning.
... be great today!