Thursday, November 10, 2011

Michael REEEEEALLY Wants Me To Run Fast!

FEAR The BEARD!!!
I'm kind of a knucklehead!  Not superstitious at all ... but occasionally I'll do something that I JUST KNOW will bring me good luck.  That being said, allow me to introduce you to The PR Beard!  Like hockey and baseball players during their Playoff and Championship runs, I've decided to grow a beard that WILL NOT BE SHAVED until I PR in a marathon.  

Even though a lot of people say it makes me look like Brad Pitt or DiCaprio, saddly, I'm not a good beard grower.  I have too much of a baby face.  Plus it's thin and red.  I kinda grow a Kid Rock splotchy mess that really looks horrible.  But you will FEAR The Beard!!!  If I had my way, I would grow a mountain man monster beard like Brian Wilson's of the San Francisco Giants.  A big long gnarly looking piece of art on the end of my chin.  But that would take me 73 years.  So I usually end up with something just a little better than a 10th grader ... or Chaz Bono.   

Is this grandstanding?  Maybe.  But this senseless self-serving pathetic move has served me well in races in the past.  Plus, MICHAEL HATES IT!!!  So that makes it even funnier to me ... I mean in a loving way!  I think even if I could grow a real beard she would hate it.  

This all started at my first marathon at Little Rock in 2009 (pictured right).  Yes, you could barely see the little guy on my face ... but it was there with me!  Just look at how intense I was ... Blue Steel baby!  All bui'ness with my face full of The PR Beard, sort of.  That day I ran my best marathon to that point!  Yes, I already told you it was my first ... you don't have to harp on it!  When I wanted to quit, The PR Beard told me to reach down deep inside and conquer the weakness and push through the pain.  I finished that first marathon for many reasons.  A personal goal.  My family.  But probably most of all ... for The PR Beard.

My Half Marathon PR came in 2010 in Kansas City (pictured left).  And you guessed it ... The PR Beard was right there with me! YES I KNOW YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT ... I GET IT, I DON'T GROW A GOOD BEARD!!!   But for your information many Jr. High boys would be proud to own it.  Just like me, The PR Beard does the best it can! I'm not the fastest dude in the race, and The PR Beard is not the fullest or best looking, but together we get the job done!

And finally there was Indy in 2010 (pictured right).  Not a PR, but I did run my second fastest marathon ever!  And if I do say so myself ... I had the second best beard in the race that day.  There was a guy in a Santa suit who out-bearded  me with long white whiskers.  But I'm not totally sure it was real. So my beard might have actually been the best, but who's to say.  It was cold in Indy that day, but ya know that thick lush rug on my face really kept me warm and made me run fast!

So yes Michael ... there is a reason for The PR Beard.  It's called manhood baby!  And it's a mission!  You might hate it.  You might make fun of me non stop.  And you might even make me sleep with one eye open so you don't shave it off.  But The PR Beard is real!  And it has spoken!  And you better pray that I run reeeeally fast at Tulsa next weekend.  'Cause this time, it ain't comin' off until I PR again.  And check it out ... if by some miracle I ever Boston Qualify again with it ... I'll probably just keep it forever!!!  FOR-EV-ER!!!  And slowly but surely, follicle by follicle ... you'll learn to love it like I do.  But if you can't love it ... you will honor it, and respect it, and you will FEAR THE BEARD!!! Seacrest out.
... be great today!  

27 comments:

  1. I can't grow a real beard with my baby face but when I try my wife loses it in about a week. Hope you PR soon!

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  2. That is awesome! I like your half-assed beard :P

    Colin (my husband) has, and always will have a full beard. I actually LOVE it. I never used to but now I can't get enough of the facial hair. I think it makes a man look "manly" and more "outdoorsy" lol I guess I just like lumberjacks or something. I love this idea and I think it's awesome that Michael hates it and you two have a fun little "fight" going on :)

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  3. I usually grow my beard this time of year. Only during the cold months. But I can grow a good full beard. Unfortunately I grow more hair on my face than on my head..... :)

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  4. My husband can't grow a beard either!! I hope you PR, for Michael's sake :)

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  5. LOL oh no, the BEARD!

    And apparently it is "No Shave November?"

    I HATE this month bc of it!!!

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  6. first I have to say: Michael so sorry..please dont hate me.

    Jim: I am a fan of the red beard.
    Picture with the sunglasses...on the left.

    See Bill has red-blond beard...well not a full beard but like you on that picture and I love it!!

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  7. Sorry, Michael - I like the beard too. I loved my husband in a beard, but in the hot Louisiana summer just got too itchy and uncomfortable for him.

    Best of luck on the PR - I know that the beard will help.

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  8. So you have a treadmill limit time at your gym and at home!

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  9. I need to try this -- my beard is bright white and full; when I grow it in. It is too bad that I am only in my 40s and am growing pure white.

    Good luck with the PR beard

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  10. My hubby can't grow a beard either but my son on the other hand has great beard growing genes!

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  11. I never liked the beard but then Spike grew one a few weeks ago and suddenly I'm like, that's hot! Even better if it brings you a PR!

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  12. ha ha thanks for the laugh. I hope the PR beard works for you.

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  13. Thanksgiving to St Patricks day... that's when I have a beard... and tend to get running PRs

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  14. Haha! Love this post. Hate to gang up on Michael, but I kind of like the beard, too!

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  15. This is way to funny. Before I was a triathlete I wrestled in high school and college. I didn't go with the beard. It the same shirt, shorts, and socks all day at a tournament that may consist of 5 matches. Putting wet socks back on after a shower can be pretty nasty. Maybe I should have considered the beard.

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  16. That's it! I'm not shaving my pits till I get a PR! Unfortunately I think I'm past my PR days so the undertaker is one day going to get an interesting surprise.

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  17. Here's hoping you PR soon, for Michael's sake!!

    I will say that I HATE it when my husband shaves his goatee off. He can't grow a full beard, but looks like a baby clean-shaven, so goatee works for us :)

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  18. hehe. Fear the beard. You are awesome!
    They are too scratchy for kissing if you ask me. Michael, I bet if you quit kissing him that beard will come right off!!

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  19. Hope the PR beard stays lucky for you. This post was cracking me up. My husband can't grow a beard either.

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  20. I was going to say maybe I need a beard too, but now I think Char's idea sounds more achievable.

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  21. beard power! don't cut it anymore! beard give us power! :)

    greate blog, i'll keep on following oyu from rome!

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  22. So unfair to us women....we can't grow PR beards.

    Does this also have something to do with Movember?

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  23. Ohhhh boy. Someone is McFull-o'-themselves. I've found that I ran my fastest races when I forget to shave my legs for a week. I just brush up against other people and they back right off.

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  24. lol on the PR beard! With how good you are running recently, I have a strong guess you will PR at Tulsa!

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  25. OR are you like me? I feel like shaving is a waste of time and dont like to do it, I dont shave inbetween races, I can pull off a mean Paul Bunyan sometimes

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  26. You are hilarious! I don't get the 'must prove i'm a guy' thing no matter how often and how many ways you guys try to explain it.

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