How To Ruin Thanksgiving Day

Michael at the 2012 Ward Parkway Thanksgiving Day Run
Not sure is this is the JERK I'll be chasing next Thursday

A few years ago, Michael and I started a family tradition of running a 5K on Thanksgiving Day.  Our race of choice is the Ward Parkway Thanksgiving Day Run in Kansas City.  We have a blast and have even met Karli Ritter, our favorite morning TV meteorologist there a few times.  Plus this year, I think our niece, Ashley, is running it with us.

With the exception of two years ago, I usually just "jog" the race nice and easy and enjoy the day.  It's a good little light workout before stuffing my gut full of turkey and dressing.  In 2012, Michael "made me" run fast enough to win her a Turkey Medal, but other than that, it's a pleasant morning.  But this year things will probably be different.

Michael told me yesterday that there's something called a "Turkey Throw Down".  Basically, a dude in a Turkey Suit is going to run a 5K in 20:00.  If you beat him, you win a special award ... undoubtedly a shirt or koozie or something I don't need.  When Michael told me about it, I was like, "Oh, that's nice" with no intention of running hard because I'm not really in great shape right now.  But even though I was just minding my own business, just living my life ... that's when the mocking, and badgering, and ridiculing, and insults were piled on me.  Basically the same barrage I get from my lovely wife any time she's trying to shame me into doing something I don't want to do.  She was like, "Oh, well if you're too fat and out of shape and are going to let someone in a costume 'outman' you ... that's fine, no biggie!"  Ya know, the sort.  So unfortunately this year, I'll have to try to run it faster than a dumb turkey, just so I don't have to listen to that for three months.

The problem is this ... I SERIOUSLY don't know if I can run a 5K under 20 minutes right now.  When I'm in top shape, it wouldn't be a huge issue, but I have serious doubts if my legs can turn over that fast for three miles.  I think a 20:00 5K is about a 6:27 pace or so.  I did a six mile run this morning, with two middle miles at 6:29 & 6:20 ... but I stopped between each ... and they about friggin' killed me!  Plus, there are a couple of long hills on Ward Parkway.

Challenges like this are becoming more and more common in races.  And I think they target somewhat egotistical and over-achieving idiots like me.  Not because they want to reward hard work ... but rather, I think it's because they want to sit back at the finish line and laugh at all the dumb-dumbs that kill themselves and stumble across the finish line just for a stupid shirt or extra medal.

Inevitably after going all in a 5K, I feel like I'm gonna die for about an hour afterwards.  And then the rest of the day, my legs feel weak and wobbly.  I hate 5K's.  So thank you Turkey Throw Down for ruining my Thanksgiving this year.  Because, win or lose, you know I have to go for it.
... be great today!